WalkingTorah - Parashat Chayei Sarah (Genesis 23:1-25:18)

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Where ancient lessons guide modern life

Parashat Chayei Sarah פרשת חיי שרה

November 7, 2015 כ"ה מרחשון תשע”ו

“Choose your battles.” How often have we been told this, and how often have we told this to others, when dealing with a situation where, though we might be in the right, is just not worth the aggravation which will result, nor worth the damage which might be caused to a relationship? “Choose your battles” means that there are certain things which are more important than being right. As one who surrenders his right of way at an intersection might say, “I’d rather be alive than right.”

This concept is illustrated by an incident based on the first story described in Parashat Chayei Sarah. After his beloved wife Sarah has died, Abraham comes before the local Canaanite tribe, the Hittites, and asks for their help in securing an appropriate burial place for her. “Bury your dead in the choicest of our burial places,” the Hittites insist (Genesis 23:6). Abraham offers thanks for their generosity, and sets an example for future generations of Jews, who have since endeavored to give their loved ones a fitting and dignified final resting place. Not just any place will do.

But there are some things which are more important than being buried in the “choicest of burial places,” says Rav Moshe Idel of Ponevezh (Panevėžys, Lithuania). He recounts an incident where two Jews came before him, arguing over a burial plot. There were two plots in dispute, and each claimant insisted that he had purchased the more desirable location. Back and forth they went arguing, and no easy solution presented itself. Rav Moshe thought about each petitioner’s claim, and then rendered his decision: The one who died first would be buried in the better-placed grave.

The litigants immediately stopped quarreling. All of a sudden, neither wished to win the case.

Some things in life are certainly worth fighting for. Whether it is fighting to preserve eternal values, or fighting on behalf of justice for the downtrodden, or fighting for the freedom of those being persecuted, there are many worthy causes which demand our commitment. But let us be very careful when choosing what to fight over, and what to let be. May we be blessed with the wisdom and foresight to be able to take a step back from a situation and say, “I may be in the right here, but the price I’ll pay for winning is just not worth it.”

(Story of Rav Moshe Idel cited in ב. יאושזון, מאוצרנו הישן - בראשית, p. 106)

Rabbi Aryeh A. Leifert is originally from Teaneck, New Jersey. He served as an Assistant Rabbi and Judaics Studies principal in San Antonio, Texas from 2006-2009. In 2009, he moved to Israel with his family, where he works as a licensed tour guide for individuals, couples, families of all ages, groups, schools, and religious institutions. He also offers Virtual Tours of Israel through the internet. He may be reached via his website, WalkingIsrael.com.