An Amsterdam-Detroit Northwest/Delta flight is almost blown up on approach to Detroit by a Nigerian man, Abdul Farouk Abdulmutallab (son of a Nigerian banker, by the way; don't forget - poverty breeds crime!). He tried to detonate a powder-liquid mixture which he had strapped to his leg, having mixed the deadly cocktail in the washroom moments before. And the Transportation Security Agency responds thusly: According to the New York Times, passengers on U.S.-bound flights will be prohibited from leaving their seats during the last hour of a flight, nor will they be permitted to have any "personal items" on their laps during the same time period.
Since this policy was obviously well thought through, and was certainly not a knee-jerk reaction to a foiled terror attack, I am sure the TSA has considered the following possibilities/questions:
- Is it not possible to mix a deadly potion earlier than the last hour of the flight? Or all all in-flight incendiary devices limited to this window of opportunity?
- Is it not possible to mix a deadly potion at one's seat, and not in the washroom, under the guise of it being a health shake, or some other kind of innocuous beverage?
- Questions 1 & 2 lead to the following: How would the new regulations, even had they been in effect before Flight 253, have prevented the terror attempt? At least the regulations adopted in response to the liquid explosives plot in 2006 and the shoe bomber would have stopped them from carrying out their attacks. But the recent regulations could have been easily thwarted.
- Does "nothing on passengers' laps" include laptops, newspapers, and books? What about an iPod in a passenger's pocket? A book held in the air? Do these count as "on the lap"? The potential Talmudic hairsplitting of these new regulations is endless.
- Will passengers have to beg to use the washroom during the last hour like children (I really, really have to go!!!"). Assuming flight attendants do not want passengers urinating on the floor of the cabin, the exceptions to these "regulations" will effectively render them moot.
- Can you imagine the outrage when a flight is delayed in the air, and the passengers cannot leave their seats for the last hour and a half? ("See? I could have worked on my presentation for another half-hour!") Do flight attendants really need this virtually-certain headache?
- Will all writing implements be banned after a flight attendant is stabbed with a pen in an attempt to force her to get the pilots to open the cockpit door? There comes a point at which one must recognize the absurdity of all the security regulations. Our enemies must be laughing their heads off, seeing how insecure we all are. They have won.
I realize, of course, that the TSA puts all of these regulations into effect in order to reassure the public that they are on the ball. The result, however, is to further convince travelers that the TSA has no clue about how to deal with international terrorism, and is a) always defending against the last terror attack, and not the next, and b) refuses to go after people, but rather against objects.
As I have said for many years now, if I were on a flight packed with Mormons, priests, ministers, rabbis, nuns, and Miami Beach grandmothers et al, all of whom were packing heat, I would feel tremendously safe. I have yet to hear of a terror attack committed by anyone from these groups. If, however, I were on a flight with one 25-40-year-old Muslim male who had not been given extra security scrutiny, I would feel nervous. I might even watch him carefully during the entire flight. Does this make me an Islamophobe or a racist? I am sure some might see it that way. I see it as watching out for Number 1 and Number 1's loved ones, without regard for how such efforts will be perceived by others.
Finally, a pop quiz: What is the common denominator between the 1970s terrorists who precipitated the stringent security measures at international airports, the Pan Am 103 bombers, all the way up to the above-mentioned liquid explosives plot, the shoe bomber, and the powder bomber?
I'll give you one guess. But be careful in your guess; you might be labeled a racist.